Encouragement to Singles: 1 Samuel 1:3-8

         In light of the recent Valentine's day, I was hoping to pass along a word of encouragement to my brothers and sister in Christ from 1 Samuel 1:3-8:

3 Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the Lord Almighty at Shiloh, where Hophni and Phinehas, the two sons of Eli, were priests of the Lord. 4 Whenever the day came for Elkanah to sacrifice, he would give portions of the meat to his wife Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters. 5 But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the Lord had closed her womb. 6 And because the Lord had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. 7 This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the Lord, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat. 8 Elkanah her husband would say to her, “Hannah, why are you weeping? Why don’t you eat? Why are you downhearted? Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”

           Out of all the characters in the Bible, I truly believe that Hannah most closely empathizes with the plights of singles today. The statistics out there are disheartening: the ages of initial sexual and romantic interest have dropped by three or four years and the average age of marriage is now extending from the early twenties to the late twenties and early thirties. To add on to such an agonizing weight, Christians are being daily bombarded with invitations to sexual thought and action in the grocery store, media, and workplace. What once was dismissible and avoidable has become especially pressing due to the modern innovation of schools that keep same age boys and girls cooped up in pens together for most of their waking hours.
            Hannah may have been looking to get children, but I can assure you that she felt the weight that we feel in a very similar way. It said that she dealt with this desire for several years. These times of struggle and doubt were especially strong whenever they would make their yearly trip to the house of the Lord. This may have been due to the mixing of several families as they traveled together to this religious site. For women of their time, being infertile was a social curse. However, we are also told that she has many blessings: she is deeply adored by her husband (being given doubly special and preferential treatment), is part of a mostly loving family and, for all we know, is secure financially. So, we would seem to agree with her husband when he asks her if he means more to her than ten sons. Additionally, these religious pilgrimages were supposed to be the highlight of the year: a time of close fellowship with each other and the Lord. Surely, one could at least pull the religion card on Hannah: "Why don't you let your desire to conceive kids push you into deeper intimacy with the Lord? In fact, I bet that is what is holding him back from blessing you." (The second sentence is, by the way, incorrect and is also very insensitive). Yet, we find Hannah still weeping, refusing to eat, and having a downtrodden heart despite all of these admonitions and what would surely have been an emotionally numbing process of continual disappointment in herself and God.
             God recognizes and affirms your pain. Look at Proverbs 13:12:

12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

             You can see that several of the pieces of advice that we could pass on to a grieving single are legitimate: they should practice thankfulness for what they do have and use their hunger and suffering to deepen their need for God and closeness to Him (as advocated in one of my recent blog posts, "The Power of Need"). Yet, I think when we only give these pieces of advice to singles and don't stop to listen to them, we fall short of giving them what they really need: a sympathizing ear that hears the ache of loneliness and rejection. Chances are, any single Christian you have met has heard all of the spiritual mantras about falling in love with God and waiting for both you and your future spouse to become "fully ready" for marriage before God brings you together. However, these light words start to sound weaker and weaker as the years pass and more spins and perspectives are put out on the singleness issue. What I offer to you today is not more advice, as useful and perspective healing as it can be sometimes, but a word of comfort. Singles, I invite you to set aside a few minutes and join me in a spiritual exercise today that I hope will heal and encourage you.

                                        Read what is next and follow the instructions.

              God knows your pain. Spend some time in silence with Psalm 38:9 and allow your heart to wrestle with the text, not trying to understand it better, but allowing God to speak to you through it. You can take any amount of time you want from a few to several minutes:

9 All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
    my sighing is not hidden from you.

              Next, holding that pain and anxiety in your heart, spend some silent time considering the plight of other Christians who also share your burden by meditating on 1 Peter 5:9:

 9 Resist [Satan], standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

            Focus on your pain along with the pain of your fellow Christian singles with all your energy. Hold this pain as close to your heart as possible for as long as you can hold it and release your pain to God as the passage continues into verse 10:

 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.

          If this exercise has brought you any comfort, please remember the words of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4:

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God

          One of our biggest mistakes is thinking that if God doesn't answer a prayer, that he is not present with us in our sufferings. I don't need to quote to you the verses that affirm your desire for a spouse. I don't feel the need to quote verses about idolatry and right priorities. What I want to affirm is that the God of Hannah, who listened to the whispered prayers of her heart year after agonizing year is also listening to you. Stop trying to make your pain go away. Don't rationalize it or compartmentalize it into a clean religious box. Allow yourself to feel the pain and vocalize that pain with God and close friends.
          In closing, meditate on Philippians 4:6-7:

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Peace of Christ to you,
Simeon Snow